Articles
Violent Men, Nagging Women
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A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger allays contention. (Prov. 15:18)
Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (Prov. 21:9)
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Among the many innate differences between men and women is their unique ways of dealing with their anger. Men, with their higher testosterone levels, are more likely to resort to physical aggression. What women lack in strength they make up for in greater verbal skills; so they are more prone to use words as weapons. While it is true that some men are very good at using cutting language, and some women can swing a rolling pen when pushed to the wall, the toxic combination of violent men and nagging women explains much of the marital strife that is destroying marriages and wrecking our culture.
In recent years, our society has turned the spotlight on the problem of violent men--and it should. There is NEVER a justifiable reason for a man to physically abuse his wife, and it is right that this kind of violence be criminalized.
However, the problem of nagging wives is not getting nearly enough attention. There are plenty of men who can testify to the emotional damage inflicted by wives who use their tongues as weapons. Some wives are experts at badgering, scolding, berating, belittling, and tormenting their husbands over every imperfection.
As is often the case, these two behaviors reinforce each other. Men respond to nagging with physical threats, and women respond to mistreatment by lecturing. The result is a giant blowup that usually ends up in a divorce court--or jail.
The Bible has something to say to both parties about this phenomenon.
First, husbands and wives must both recognize that they are equally imperfect human beings who are prone to make mistakes. If I marry someone with the expectation that he or she will somehow "complete" me, I am setting up both of us for a major disappointment. Patience is the name of the game if a couple is serious about making their marriage work--and patience starts with ME, regardless of what my spouse does.
The husband and wife of Proverbs 31 represent the ideal marriage. Here is a woman who honors her husband, rather than nagging him for his faults (v. 11-12). Her husband praises her hard work, rather than highlighting her mistakes (v. 28-29). With these matching behaviors supporting rather than tearing down each other, this is a couple who are an inspiration to their kids and a stabilizing influence in their community.
Best of all, they are companions who can happily spend the rest of their lives together as best friends.
--David
