Articles
On Training Children
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Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
(Prov. 22:6)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)
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Of all the accomplishments we can acheive in life, the greatest is to raise our children to be mature, responsible adults themselves. If we can leave this life having successfully prepared the next generation to take our place, then we will have performed a feat far more important than any career goal.
But training our children is not an easy task. Here are four simple rules that can maximize parents' chance of success in raising their kids. It's not an exhaustive list, of course, but it's a good start.
Rule #1: Recognize each child's unique gifts. No two children are exactly the same, having different interests, personalities, and responses to incentives; and these differences must be managed differently. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to training and discipline. Moreover, some of the characteristics in a child that drive us crazy may be immature manifestations of some latent skill, a skill that someday could provide a real service to humanity—if properly developed. The parents' task is to recognize and channel that talent. Parents must study their children to better understand what makes them tick, and adjust their parenting style accordingly.
Rule #2: Break bad behavior without breaking the spirit. Children are like wild horses who must be broken to become useful. Firm discipline is essential to that task. But there is a fine line between breaking a child's foolish behaviors and breaking his spirit. Paul warns parents not to "provoke" their children to discouragement by excessive demands or punishments (Col. 3:21). That's a danger when we're at our wits' end with their mischief. Training must be firm and consistent, but above all, measured.
Rule #3: Praise the good. Parents can become so fixated on providing discipline and correction that they overlook their child's positive behaviors. When a child does something good, even if accidentally, take the time to honor that accomplishment. Positive reinforcement is just as important as negative reinforcement, and children need both to develop into well-rounded adults.
Rule #4: Set a good example. Following all the other rules is worthless if parents are sloppy in their own lives. Children need to see in their parents all the attitudes and behaviors that define a God-centered life: optimism, patience, integrity, service, generosity, humility, and so forth. Parents who are chronically grumpy, cynical, selfish, and mean should not be surprised to see their kids grow up to be the same.
Parents, point your kids toward God, pray for His help in guiding them along the way, and expect the best. Someday all the hassles will be worth it.
--David
